Apples, the red kind.

dreams crash and burn, leaving you empty inside. i'm surrounded by life, lights and vibrancy of this city. i fell in love some time ago, when i was a much less salted wound but i can see my love still flickers, however dim it may be as of recent. i'm a baby in this flock of adults, i'm trying to find my sea legs. finishing the days accompanied by my thoughts and the sound of my fingers tapping away is not an unusual sound, but this time it is more comforting. i'm not heartbroken crying over my keys, i'm not whining over the city, people, work, or trivial. i'm leaving the past, i'm forgetting the hurt or pain i once made up, i'm just me alone living life in a city that never sleeps. And these are my own words, true and raw.

short story by samantha warden

maybe i should pack my bags and go. i think the shadows of my past are finally catching up to me. my life is finally ending with sorrow. the thought of not being here in the morning isn't as scary now. i just need to be careful, the monsters are creeping around the corner and they're gunning for me. i need to learn to fight back, i need to learn to breath and speak. i can feel my heart turning black. i need to just wash my face, wash my hands, wash this feeling from my body. i wish i could wash my soul, i need to wash my imperfections and my impurities.

i need to be careful, the monsters are coming down the hallway, they've picked up the pace. i can't be safe forever. you cant keep me safe forever. ive been through my extra lives and now i just have this one, however damage it may be. i just need to run, run back, run back to the beginning and run this monster down. i need to catch it and recapture my soul. i sold it a long time ago, to this beautiful monster.

he laughs. he laughs at my ignorance. i salute him because he is my master. he bargained for my soul long before i had a chance to discover it's value. that's his way, that's how he survives. the brutality of his world mingles in the innocence of ours and he takes us for all we are worth. he has no morals, he needs no morals, he lives his life and sees all evil. he steals, cheats, lies to get what he wants then he throws it all away because it's the chase that gives him the thrill.

i finally found him. to his misfortune he hadnt eaten it yet; he was saving me for desert. now i have to run. i have to run and now i'm hiding, i'm hiding my soul from him, i'm not giving in. i'm learning to breakdown and live because that's what i have to do, thats what i need to do. all life represents angels, angels with enemies, and i'm on the run from mine. i am safely hidden between satisfaction and content, but i'm not settled, i'm not done chasing, i'm not through running, i'm not finished dreaming, i'm simply playing it safe, for now.

it hurts ...

maybe a little.


but i look good in pain:

lyrics, maybe

i set my body up in flames
letting the wind take away the pain
now all i have is a milting frame

you look at me with trembling eyes
revealing the ghost of my past
reminding me of what i once had

i've grown numb now
petrified to think it's all over
body and soul stripped to the core

i dreamt it to be different
i dreamt it to be pure
now i dream no more

2010 ya'lllllll

can't believe another year has gone by. i didn't get half the shit done i wanted to last year, well i guess i have this year to achieve them. all i gots to say is happy effin' new years biiittttccchhhh.

2010 ... welcome to the future.

buzy as a beeeee

I've been one busy girl.
Been a little out of touch with reality.
I think I should put my feet back on the ground.

Trying to cast a new actor.
Trying to find a radio station to film in.
Trying to find some money to use.
Trying to work on getting back in school.
Trying to figure out whether to stay in Raleigh.
Trying to find a new paying job.
Trying to stay social.
Trying to stay normal.

I think I'm excited about Christmas.
A huge think involved in that.
I'm not sure if this Christmas will be a good one.
I haven't finished my shopping.
I haven't prepared mentally for seeing my family.
I haven't made enough money to buy anyone presents.
I need to pay my bills.

Anywho, clue, boo Merry Christmas everybody!

and this is all he wrote ...