Monday, April 27, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
gifts that just keep giving
i feel really weak. in fact i've been feeling really weak for the past couple days. my iron level is severely low, i may need to go to the health center tomorrow.
oh by the wayy it's suppose to hit 90 this weekend - holler!
oh by the wayy it's suppose to hit 90 this weekend - holler!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
oh boy weekends
my weekend was unexpected. friday was fun i just road bikes all day. i lost my mushroom necklace - which sucks, it was my moms. i played with butler, who may be the worst behaving dog i've ever been around. he's so big which means you should train him twice as much but not james. i don't think james knows how to handle him so he lets him do whatever he wants. so annoying! i have never been jumped on, bit or humped as much in my life - well at least by a dog (joke!)
can't wait for this weekend! i'll be working it at blue martini all friday night because i'll be dancing it up on saturday! i'm going to see copeland saturday evening then right after the show i'll be dancing to thien, joe, adam and smedium's music at five star! holla.
can't wait for this weekend! i'll be working it at blue martini all friday night because i'll be dancing it up on saturday! i'm going to see copeland saturday evening then right after the show i'll be dancing to thien, joe, adam and smedium's music at five star! holla.
goal oriented - maybe?
goals for today:
make 14 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches - CHECK
watch slum dog millionaire - CHECK
research for my final editorial - CHECK
take a nap - CHECK
watch the first harry potter - not planned for today but CHECK
Thursday, April 16, 2009
could i photoshop myself in ...
does this really happen in real life? well i guess it does.
15 of the most influential models in the business all in one shoot.
look at agyness deyn (bottom left corner) her style is unbelievable.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
thinking back
tonight was a rough one. i was reminded of a lot of things. i miss a lot of people, some aren't on this earth, some aren't in this state and some are right in front of me. i love going to see my parents but the feeling i get when i come back to raleigh is never that welcoming. it's almost if i never leave raleigh i'd never have to have that feeling i get when i return. i never feel home when i come back, i never feel all that wanted here, i never feel that sense of security that one should feel.
tonight i cried, the first in a week or so i'd say. i didn't cry over the same bullshit as i have been. i cried over a friend. i cried for a friend i should say. i started crying because i feel that i can't do anything else, i'm so frustrated with the world and the shitty things it gives us. how is one to suppose to believe in happiness when all she gets is sadness?
i couldn't help it tonight. i thought back on all the things in my past, i was overwhelmed by grief. for the first time in a while my whole heart filled up with sadness. i began to think back on the all those i love who aren't with me anymore. i thought of those who i can't see, who i can't call, those who are somewhere no one really knows about.
thinking about my lost friends made me think about my present friends, as few as there may be. i got to thinking about kate. i really miss her. i wish she was here with me tonight, i wish she was here to wipe the tears, because i know she would.
i also got to thinking about lauren and meredith. i don't know what to think. we've been friends so long it's unnatural for me not to call them my friends but then i think about it, where have they been? have i shut them out to the point of no return or have they vanished and found new lives to lead that don't involve me?
we grew up together but i fear we've also grown apart together.
we are human, we evolve to survive. i've changed, i'm not perfect, i'm starting to realize i never will be. friends come and go but i'm the only me i've got. maybe i should start being able to live with myself instead of changing my friends whenever i feel insecure with my worth.
i'm working on me. i'm still insecure, i'm still sensitive, i'm still emotional but you know that's what makes me, me. i'm becoming more comfortable, hanging out with strong people is helping, i'm beginning to realize i'm actually a person people like to hang out with. i've always relied too heavily on other peoples perception of me, now i'm finally seeing the only perception that matters is the one i have of myself.
cheers to growth, cheers to me.
tonight i cried, the first in a week or so i'd say. i didn't cry over the same bullshit as i have been. i cried over a friend. i cried for a friend i should say. i started crying because i feel that i can't do anything else, i'm so frustrated with the world and the shitty things it gives us. how is one to suppose to believe in happiness when all she gets is sadness?
i couldn't help it tonight. i thought back on all the things in my past, i was overwhelmed by grief. for the first time in a while my whole heart filled up with sadness. i began to think back on the all those i love who aren't with me anymore. i thought of those who i can't see, who i can't call, those who are somewhere no one really knows about.
thinking about my lost friends made me think about my present friends, as few as there may be. i got to thinking about kate. i really miss her. i wish she was here with me tonight, i wish she was here to wipe the tears, because i know she would.
i also got to thinking about lauren and meredith. i don't know what to think. we've been friends so long it's unnatural for me not to call them my friends but then i think about it, where have they been? have i shut them out to the point of no return or have they vanished and found new lives to lead that don't involve me?
we grew up together but i fear we've also grown apart together.
we are human, we evolve to survive. i've changed, i'm not perfect, i'm starting to realize i never will be. friends come and go but i'm the only me i've got. maybe i should start being able to live with myself instead of changing my friends whenever i feel insecure with my worth.
i'm working on me. i'm still insecure, i'm still sensitive, i'm still emotional but you know that's what makes me, me. i'm becoming more comfortable, hanging out with strong people is helping, i'm beginning to realize i'm actually a person people like to hang out with. i've always relied too heavily on other peoples perception of me, now i'm finally seeing the only perception that matters is the one i have of myself.
cheers to growth, cheers to me.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
party - not so much
so thursday night was a little out of the ordinary. i don't get drunk, i don't ride all over raleigh on my bike, i don't puke on the side of the road and i don't shut down house parties. well, until thursday night that is. i felt unbelievably energetic thursday because a) it was a beautiful day b) i had an excess of sugar in my body c) i went to see 'monsters vs. aliens.
let me start from the beginning: thursday started like any other mundane day in raleigh until i realized i didn't have class friday and i could day drink. well i left my class (we met in the park downtown - pretty awesome of my teach.) and i road for a while, stopped got hired on the spot at busy bee as a waitress (i start in 3 weeks or so) then i road to blue martini had a look at our brand new menu - of course i tasted some of the food options. ben (bartender) made me, him and lindsey a shot of his martini (ritmo benito) - i took one sip and almost died (it's too strong and full of bourban for my taste!) after eating lunch (a ceasar salad and grilled cheese) i felt like a fatty-mc-fatster so i road my bike. i thought ester was working at helios so i went by to see - of course she was! cam-daddy talked me into drinking a $2.50 bottle of bad penny (i mean come on $2.50 bad penny? who could say no?) after i finished drinking my beer ester and i took a ride down to morning times to meet courtney. this is where the day turned to night and the night turned to crazytimes.
courtney, ester and i shared a piece of sugar-filled blackberry white chocolate cake (keep in mind i DO NOT eat sugar, especially not cake!) i was pretty hyped up on sugar when courtney and i decided to go to a movie. of course the only movie i wanted to see was a movie for 5-10 year olds - courtney and i decided it was a must. we got on our bikes (leaving ester because she was meeting some people that court and i don't really care for). we road to my car (at blue martini) and we decided to go in and drink a martini because we had 10 minutes to waste before we had to head to the movie.
after downing a 'panty dropper' and 'upside down cake' we headed off to monsters vs. aliens. we get to the movies convince the lady to let us in for free - well for the kids price. then we went to the snack bar and flirted with the 16 year olds working it - who were convinced that we were high on something - we ended up getting our popcorn for free.99.
the movie was ok. it had it's funny parts but there was defiantly some slow moving/boring parts. i actually found myself having trouble staying awake in some points.
after we left the movie we decided to go change because it was getting chilly and we wanted to ride bikes through the night. - i'll skip the changing and boring parts.
so we get downtown, park in the deck, get on our bikes and ride to tir-a-nog for local beer local band night. we run into megan carroll, so we recruit her for our adventure. we have a couple 20oz bad pennys then ride out to busy-bee (well the hive). nickshaw joins us - courtney and i have come to the conclusion that we shouldn't go out without nickshaw anymore because he's too much fun and without him we aren't nearly as retarded. after nickshaw met up with us megan dipped out (i think there may be drama there that i was unaware of - my bad megs).
we sit, sing/make up songs, find out the cute guy in my journalism class is gay - see jimmy's friend who's always so nice to me - i think matt or chris either way him and his gorgeous asian girlfriend make me sick, they're way too cute.
court, nickshaw and i decide we should make our way to dance it up at the jackpot! we hop on our bikes - stopping by the big easy first for open mic night - i'm so happy it was over - i didn't want to hear them sing anymore, my ears were beginning to bleed. we pick up john at the hive and recruit him to bike with us to jackpot!
the jackpot! was fun. we always bring the dance party. i think it's funny that the dj was playing some slow ass tunes and then the four of us started dancing and the dj got into it - we made a circle some guy pulled out some cardboard from god knows where and we had a dance off of sorts. i ran into drew ball who was highly intoxicated. i recruited him to go to the house party we were heading to but then retracked my invite because he couldn't walk straight.
we biked to the party - which was off kent (passed my house) got there and things were lame. stuff being lame does not stop us from having a blast though. courtney and i threw down on the dance floor - joseph (this guy from my class) was there he's a talented mc we talked about how class is stupid. then court and i went outside where court stood on a table and had a shouting match with this tiny man from new jersey.
this is when the blood of christ was introduced into the mixed - not a good choice at all. i wasn't as drunk as court or nick because i didn't have any of this death-juice. court and i decided to pretend i was from prague - it was going well until i forgot i wasn't suppose to speak english very well and said something in clear english. we had them boys going though.
anyway, we end up being the last three people at this party - well other than the people that live there. we leave get on our bikes and nick and i start down the street to my house. we look back and court has fallen onto the curb - bike on top of her and she can't get up. that was fall number 1 - 2 more to come.
nick gets her up makes sure she's ok - she is. we start off towards my house again. we cross western, past food lion, getting ready to turn onto my street (ligon) when i hear a huge crash. court has been taking out by the curb - fall number 2 - 1 more to come.
we get into my parking lot - convincing court she is not biking home or biking to her car - her and nick are going to crash on my couch. she tries to dismount off her bike as she lifts one foot up to swing it over her bike-frame she fulls - smashed right into my bushes (i should mention they are prickly bushes). nickshaw and i finally get her inside - i bandage her wounds and put on a movie for them because they tell me they're too drunk to fall asleep (it's 4am).
oh about the puke on the side of the road - as we were leaving the house party some girl was right beside where our bikes were locked up puking. i'm the type of person who if i smell puke, see puke i follow suit. i can't help it i can't deal with puke. i hate puke.
i go upstairs, pass out.
we wake up friday - nick and court feeling like shit - and bike downtown to get breakfast at morning times and to get our cars. i make it to my patents house by 2pm!
i'll stick to my 'once in a blue moon beer/martini/glass of wine' from now on, thank you. -
let me start from the beginning: thursday started like any other mundane day in raleigh until i realized i didn't have class friday and i could day drink. well i left my class (we met in the park downtown - pretty awesome of my teach.) and i road for a while, stopped got hired on the spot at busy bee as a waitress (i start in 3 weeks or so) then i road to blue martini had a look at our brand new menu - of course i tasted some of the food options. ben (bartender) made me, him and lindsey a shot of his martini (ritmo benito) - i took one sip and almost died (it's too strong and full of bourban for my taste!) after eating lunch (a ceasar salad and grilled cheese) i felt like a fatty-mc-fatster so i road my bike. i thought ester was working at helios so i went by to see - of course she was! cam-daddy talked me into drinking a $2.50 bottle of bad penny (i mean come on $2.50 bad penny? who could say no?) after i finished drinking my beer ester and i took a ride down to morning times to meet courtney. this is where the day turned to night and the night turned to crazytimes.
courtney, ester and i shared a piece of sugar-filled blackberry white chocolate cake (keep in mind i DO NOT eat sugar, especially not cake!) i was pretty hyped up on sugar when courtney and i decided to go to a movie. of course the only movie i wanted to see was a movie for 5-10 year olds - courtney and i decided it was a must. we got on our bikes (leaving ester because she was meeting some people that court and i don't really care for). we road to my car (at blue martini) and we decided to go in and drink a martini because we had 10 minutes to waste before we had to head to the movie.
after downing a 'panty dropper' and 'upside down cake' we headed off to monsters vs. aliens. we get to the movies convince the lady to let us in for free - well for the kids price. then we went to the snack bar and flirted with the 16 year olds working it - who were convinced that we were high on something - we ended up getting our popcorn for free.99.
the movie was ok. it had it's funny parts but there was defiantly some slow moving/boring parts. i actually found myself having trouble staying awake in some points.
after we left the movie we decided to go change because it was getting chilly and we wanted to ride bikes through the night. - i'll skip the changing and boring parts.
so we get downtown, park in the deck, get on our bikes and ride to tir-a-nog for local beer local band night. we run into megan carroll, so we recruit her for our adventure. we have a couple 20oz bad pennys then ride out to busy-bee (well the hive). nickshaw joins us - courtney and i have come to the conclusion that we shouldn't go out without nickshaw anymore because he's too much fun and without him we aren't nearly as retarded. after nickshaw met up with us megan dipped out (i think there may be drama there that i was unaware of - my bad megs).
we sit, sing/make up songs, find out the cute guy in my journalism class is gay - see jimmy's friend who's always so nice to me - i think matt or chris either way him and his gorgeous asian girlfriend make me sick, they're way too cute.
court, nickshaw and i decide we should make our way to dance it up at the jackpot! we hop on our bikes - stopping by the big easy first for open mic night - i'm so happy it was over - i didn't want to hear them sing anymore, my ears were beginning to bleed. we pick up john at the hive and recruit him to bike with us to jackpot!
the jackpot! was fun. we always bring the dance party. i think it's funny that the dj was playing some slow ass tunes and then the four of us started dancing and the dj got into it - we made a circle some guy pulled out some cardboard from god knows where and we had a dance off of sorts. i ran into drew ball who was highly intoxicated. i recruited him to go to the house party we were heading to but then retracked my invite because he couldn't walk straight.
we biked to the party - which was off kent (passed my house) got there and things were lame. stuff being lame does not stop us from having a blast though. courtney and i threw down on the dance floor - joseph (this guy from my class) was there he's a talented mc we talked about how class is stupid. then court and i went outside where court stood on a table and had a shouting match with this tiny man from new jersey.
this is when the blood of christ was introduced into the mixed - not a good choice at all. i wasn't as drunk as court or nick because i didn't have any of this death-juice. court and i decided to pretend i was from prague - it was going well until i forgot i wasn't suppose to speak english very well and said something in clear english. we had them boys going though.
anyway, we end up being the last three people at this party - well other than the people that live there. we leave get on our bikes and nick and i start down the street to my house. we look back and court has fallen onto the curb - bike on top of her and she can't get up. that was fall number 1 - 2 more to come.
nick gets her up makes sure she's ok - she is. we start off towards my house again. we cross western, past food lion, getting ready to turn onto my street (ligon) when i hear a huge crash. court has been taking out by the curb - fall number 2 - 1 more to come.
we get into my parking lot - convincing court she is not biking home or biking to her car - her and nick are going to crash on my couch. she tries to dismount off her bike as she lifts one foot up to swing it over her bike-frame she fulls - smashed right into my bushes (i should mention they are prickly bushes). nickshaw and i finally get her inside - i bandage her wounds and put on a movie for them because they tell me they're too drunk to fall asleep (it's 4am).
oh about the puke on the side of the road - as we were leaving the house party some girl was right beside where our bikes were locked up puking. i'm the type of person who if i smell puke, see puke i follow suit. i can't help it i can't deal with puke. i hate puke.
i go upstairs, pass out.
we wake up friday - nick and court feeling like shit - and bike downtown to get breakfast at morning times and to get our cars. i make it to my patents house by 2pm!
i'll stick to my 'once in a blue moon beer/martini/glass of wine' from now on, thank you. -
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Jealousy Ignites
why does Bristol have such amazing art?
get me there, please!
(you have to click on the photos for them to show up correctly!)
get me there, please!
(you have to click on the photos for them to show up correctly!)
Just Another Day
Ok so this week is finally coming to an end. I've been thrown in a lot of different directions and I'm finally getting a break from it. I'm having the pleasure of going home this weekend. I get to see my family and attend a wedding of two friends, Lindsey and Nick soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Cahoon. I'm excited to see everyone, I'm ready for a simi-break from Raleigh.
I went to Busy-Bee the other night for dinner, they ended up being out of the only vegetarian entree on their menu so I ate Helena and Brian's sides - consisting of Mac-and-Cheese, Tator Tots (with mustard) and French Fries (with mayo). I accidently ate a noodle that had been cooked in sausage, it made me throw-up - probably to me freaking out not because my body couldn't handle it that bad.
After dinner we moved on to The Hive, the bar to the right and up from the restaurant. I was thoroughly impressed, in fact I made a second trip last night. I like the quiet atmosphere and the people who work there. I was actually convinced by Castello and friends to apply, I will be turning my application in today (hopefully).
Anyway, I'm going to go to class and learn about State and Local Government. I'm trying really hard this semester, I've only missed maybe 4 classes - that's in all (5 classes only 4 days missed that's a record for me!) Hopefully my grades will represent the hard work I've been putting in, I mean I don't know I'm a little worried.
I'm a excited to attend a 'rad party' with an 'alt-bro looking for meaning in this world' tonight, let the games begin!!!
Until next time solo-reader, have fun in NEW YORK!
I went to Busy-Bee the other night for dinner, they ended up being out of the only vegetarian entree on their menu so I ate Helena and Brian's sides - consisting of Mac-and-Cheese, Tator Tots (with mustard) and French Fries (with mayo). I accidently ate a noodle that had been cooked in sausage, it made me throw-up - probably to me freaking out not because my body couldn't handle it that bad.
After dinner we moved on to The Hive, the bar to the right and up from the restaurant. I was thoroughly impressed, in fact I made a second trip last night. I like the quiet atmosphere and the people who work there. I was actually convinced by Castello and friends to apply, I will be turning my application in today (hopefully).
Anyway, I'm going to go to class and learn about State and Local Government. I'm trying really hard this semester, I've only missed maybe 4 classes - that's in all (5 classes only 4 days missed that's a record for me!) Hopefully my grades will represent the hard work I've been putting in, I mean I don't know I'm a little worried.
I'm a excited to attend a 'rad party' with an 'alt-bro looking for meaning in this world' tonight, let the games begin!!!
Until next time solo-reader, have fun in NEW YORK!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Bbbbbuzzz
i'm hoping this place will be all it's crack up to be.
my review will come as soon as i get there and back.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Saturday Night Entertainment
tonight at blue martini we had a guy go 'chris brown' on this other guys ass. didn't you know sucker punching a boy twice your size for talking shit to your 'wife' who doesn't exist is cool and gets you lots a hott women?
word to the wise don't fight at a bar you turn out looking twice as stupid as you would if you would just leave the bar hop in your car and get pulled over on hillsborough in front of snoopys at 2:10am for a dui, which in case you didn't know requires a sobriety test on the street. therefore everyone will point and laugh because you will be spending the night in jail and because you are distracting at least two cop cars from pulling their drunk asses over.
adam, our doorman, went 'man in the middle of this pic'
word to the wise don't fight at a bar you turn out looking twice as stupid as you would if you would just leave the bar hop in your car and get pulled over on hillsborough in front of snoopys at 2:10am for a dui, which in case you didn't know requires a sobriety test on the street. therefore everyone will point and laugh because you will be spending the night in jail and because you are distracting at least two cop cars from pulling their drunk asses over.
adam, our doorman, went 'man in the middle of this pic'
Contemplating Stuff
Purgatory - the start of a new beginning - purifying for a journey
Limbo - the edge of the end - no turning back - everything is over
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