go - fast

i started using you the moment i saw those loner eyes and cold-cold hands. i knew i was going to hurt you, i knew you weren't a man. im like your heroin - you just can't get enough. that's what i did it for, that's what gets me off.

pucker up, i'm up for an adventure - lets go baby, what are you waiting for.

pucker up

what's in a kiss?

experience the rest of your lives with your head in the clouds and your feet never on the ground. experience the rare things in life, 4am bike rides, good coffee with good company, horrible movies with 4lbs of candy but most of all experience the good people in life. here's to you guys, you are who i want more of, you are the ones who keep me going, even when i'm too tired to speak. here's looking at a few of you guys:









(if i don't say it enough, thanks!)

weak-sauce

i came across old photographs we took together. it was the first time i've truly missed you since you've been gone. i freaked out when i saw someone that looked similar to you from a distance, i ran inside the closest building and hid. why i do these things i will never know, i guess avoidance is the best coping mechanism when you're just a coward like me.

i've been working too much. i started summer classes monday (online). i'm nervous because i've never taken online classes before and since i'm on academic suspension i have to do well or i'm going to be permanently expelled from school. :( the pressure is on - man i suck under pressure.

wham bam thanks ma'm

go me. working 7 days/nights a week at the busy bee. i'm exhausted, the only thing keeping me going is a tiny bit of sleep and dance-a-thons with my coworkers. i'm not looking forward to working with a certain somebody (who shall remain nameless) though, he's been so rude, maybe it's me imagining the entire thing - that would be a plus.

i wrecked my bike. thank you incompetent raleigh fuck-bags for running black rope all the way across hargett st. i couldn't see it until i was already being clothes-lined by it. my falling led to four other bikes falling on me, which led to my back wheel/tire/spokes/rim being bent in the shape of a taco. yayy there goes a hundred bucks - thanks again raleigh fuck-bag.

anyway i'm going to bed i have to get up and shower in the morning, i haven't done that in a while and my hair is starting to stand on its own. damn, i just came to the realization if it wasn't for my hair being super duper crazy/greasy i probably wouldn't shower - eww, i need a new life man.

:)

oh but i have been spending quality time with quality people - this gives me a smile on my face and a great feeling about everything. not looking forward to starting summer classes tomorrow, wish me luck!

breath.

i'm fragile.
i'm breakable.

i'm durable.
i'm recyclable.

i'm so many things.
i'm nothing and everything.

home for some time.

sunday is mother's day! i'm going home to see my parents and my brother/sister-in-law. i'm pretty excited to get out of raleigh for a few days - even if it's to be stuck in e.city with nothing to do. well i guess i'll just take the sunfish out and sail. i might even feel frisky and go camping out on the beach - who really knows what i'll get myself into, hopefully nothing too too bad. :)

boo-who

my second night of work was interesting, i had a chance to meet a few more co-workers. i'm giving a lot of thought to quitting blue martini. i mean i don't need the negativity in my life. feeling like when i do go to work no one wants me there and then when i just come in to give them business hearing my co-worker in the back say: "what is SHE doing here?" i mean really how much can one girl take?

i'm packing up my life in a month and moving up north and out west and everywhere in between. i'm pretty excited, this is the first of hopefully many adventures to come. i can't believe i'm actually planning and acting out on my plans.

i'm changing my scenery a little, i'm staying in more, i'm trying to be ok with just being alone. i don't think i've ever been comfortable just being alone, having no one but myself around. i'm finally realizing that's actually what i need. i'm putting my foot down a lot lately, i'm going home when i want, i'm eating when i'm hungry, i'm not waiting around for anyone or anything. i make my own rules and break them by myself.

poop.

i will be enjoying the sunshine and company of nyc in a month.
i have nothing to write about, nothing to say.

i guess this is goodbye for now.